Sunday, February 14, 2010

February 2010 BJP

When I started thinking about what my February page would be about, I looked at my LIST.  Since February is the month for hearts, naturally I thought my page should be about one of my favorite Icons, the Queen of Hearts.

Then I read a post by my cyber friend, Stoneweaver.  She talked about forgiveness and how sometimes you don't forgive, you accept.  Well that all seemed to relate to the heart for me. It got me to thinking about myself.  In some regards, its not easy for me to forgive.  I have a sister/cousin that I have not forgiven for more than 20 years.  I have, however, ACCEPTED the grievance she did to me.  That doesn't mean I have forgotten it, or that I want to talk to her.  It means that I have accepted what she did and I choose not to associate with her.  Simple for me.  Its locked away and I rarely think of it.

Can my heart be pure if I choose not to forgive?  After all, its this ONE thing.  I have forgiven so many others for wrongs that were equally as brutal.

See this pearl...its not perfect.
However, it's how I view the center of my heart.  An imperfect pearl.  Yet most pearls aren't perfect, are they? How many can claim a perfect heart, anyway.  Are they honest if they do? And if their heart is not perfect and they claim it to be....well, you can see the thoughts go on and on.

Oh, you are wondering why those black beads are trailing through the center of my imperfect heart, huh?

Well, there are more black beads. 
They are the shadow caused by an unforgiven grievance.

But here is the rest of my heart.  It has a small shadow.  And a path of darkness that runs through.  The dark beads at the bottom are dark deeds from the past and the light beads have risen to the top.  They have overcome the dark beads and their light glows all around my heart. Its' beams reach out and long to touch all they come in contact with.

OMG, I can't believe I said all that.  I knew my page changed direction, but I truly didn't know the significance until I gathered my beading thoughts and put them into words in this post.

I am happy.
My spirit is soaring.
I fly with Hawk
Disappearing into
 The Hole in the Sky.


Beedeebabee said...

Happy Valentine's Day Carol! Your beaded heart is beautiful, and I loved reading about the meaning of it's parts too. I really like how you did the rays. It's all so pretty! Hugs, Paulette xoxo

Unknown said...

I like how you've chosen to show both sides, the light and the dark, and how it all came together so well in your piece this month.

Every person, every life has shadows. There's whole-ness we can achieve when we learn to accept that side of ourselves as being just as valuable to who we are as the light side.

abeadlady said...

A wonderful interpretation of your story! If only we could be perfect.... Lovely work, Carol.

Crazy Mama said...

there is such great symbolism in this piece! very thought-provoking. nice job, very well done!

Carol said...

WOW! This is impressive! The evolution and explanation of the piece is fascinating.

Robin said...

I've seen much evidence that the beams of your heart more than long to touch all they come in contact with... your dear heart touches many... I see it nearly every day in the comments you leave on the posts of others. Forgive yourself for everything you knowingly or unknowingly have done in the shadows, for you are a good person with a generous, kind heart. Nobody says you have to be perfect. A pearl you are! Thank you for this beautiful piece and for sharing your thoughts about forgiveness.

Robin A.

rairie said...

I love the depth your beading has taken you. It is a wonderful power to learn who we are and how we feel. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

This piece is simply beautiful, my favorite part in meaning being the rays extending outward from all parts of the heart regardless of their meaning. They signify hope to me.

a2susan said...

Ah, the pearls of wisdom we learn as we get older. If only we knew then...but that's why age has its benefits. Your piece brought tears to my eyes because it is so powerful and so full of meaning and because you were brave enough to bead it!
Hugs, Susan

Gerry Krueger said...

Well you hit a subject I feel really strongly about... Know the old phrase "People can only walk over you if you lie down and let them" For some people, forgiving them is giving them another chance to hurt you... Be strong, protect yourself, and keep negative people out of your life....even if it means not talking to them....good for you...!!!!!!! Love your heart...

Gerry K.

Cyndi L said...

Everyone's heart has a shadow of some sort. You've done an amazing job of bringing yours into the LIGHT! :-)

Anonymous said...

As always, such enlightenment.
In truth, isn't acceptance forgiveness?

What will you create next? This piece is fabulous. I see that I have again missed some posts. Shame on me. Talk to you soon,


beadbabe49 said...

Lovely piece and story, carol...isn't it amazing how much the pieces come to mean when we look back on them? I surprise myself every month and it sounds like you do too.
(and I too feel your generous heart...I always look forward to your comments)

Crystal said...

Well, those glowing beams have touched me for many months now, and their warmth has enriched my days beyond measure!

I can "hear" your spirit soar, Carol, not only in the words of this post but more and more, every day, in the words of your comments, too! :-)

Love your symbolism of the pearl. So true that neither pearls nor people are perfect. In fact, there are some that could have used *a lot* more time in the oyster! ;-)

Crystal xo

dochoamom said...

Carol, This piece is wonderful. You are right on in saying there are dark and light parts in everyone. You on a daily basis reach out and touch people with your comments and your insight. I personally am very blessed to have you in my life as you were there to help me through a difficult chapter. Everytime I add to the "Carol Fund" I get excited and am looking forward to the trip...

Beautifully done well said...

Love, Deb

Dee D said...

Wonderful. I love the way the light shines

Terri said...

You said..."I am not a creative thinker. My brain cannot think in abstract".--I beg to disagree. This piece is powerful, creative and wise! It is an inspiration to me and I am sure others! I love the balance found in accepting the darks and lights within ourselves. I am excited to see where you take us with your journal!

Ellen said...

Carol what a beautiful, thought provoking piece this page is.

flyingbeader said...

Well, Carol...I'm in stunned silence here as I do know exactly what your heart is about. I too tend for not forgive things that happened in the past. I don't talk about them, but keep them locked up. I didn't realize how they darken our heart & pumps that poison back into our bodies. I hope to be like you & take a big string of dark to split my heart in two & find that darken portion & try to cleanse it


Susan Elliott said...

Dear Radiant Carol,
That's what I see is radiance -- I think it's because you off-centered your heart to allow for the reach of your rays to be longer. I also find it interesting that the pearl is centered in your heart and that you see imperfection, and as I sit and look at it, I see a perfect pearl. They eye has a way of doing that -- something that appears as imperfect from close up -- looks so much better from a distance. Maybe this is why, when we scrutinize our life in detail, we find the fault but as we move further away from incident, it settles into part of our history, our wisdom

I have no idea what you should do because I have a similar situation. I too have accepted -- in fact, I am very kind and cordial -- when I run into the person. But I am not myself. I am not true to my own spirit and I'm different -- and what I don't like is that difference that occurs in myself when I am around her.

There is no "fixing" the situation, right? Too much time has elapsed. I have not forgotten which I suppose means I have not forgiven, doesn't it? I mean I can say "I forgive her" but I'm not sure to what degree...And if there are degrees, than it's not complete forgiveness is it...?

I'm just hoping that time will help me. Help me to allow more light out when I run into her on the street, help me to be more open to a new me to not slam the door of my heart in her face. It's still not easy and I'm still carrying it -- on the days when I'm honest with myself.

Thank you for your honesty, for showing me that the struggle in itself is the sign of a beautiful heart -- for from my vantage point, you have one of the most beautiful hearts in the world.


Timaree said...

Accepting our imperfectness is a giant leap to wisdom and wholeness. Accepting the imperfections of others is another huge leap. Only God can be great enough for perfect forgiveness. I love your heart and how you allow yourself to show you are human. Great piece.

Magpie Sue said...

Isn't it amazing what we learn about ourselves through beading? Or maybe a better way to say it would be what we can bring to the light for healing. I suspect we all have that one person in our lives we need to protect ourselves from one way or another. I know I have one. Even without the story it's a great heart. Good job!

Anonymous said...

I have a very similar situation with someone very dear to me... at least they use to be. The symbolism of the pearl is so perfect, because a pearl is born of an irritant... a grain of sand. Slowly it changes, into something different... something better.
Acceptance really is a form of forgiveness. It means you understand who this person is, and you accept them for who and what they are, as well as the situation. Acceptance, or forgiveness, should not be confused with forgetting what someone has done to you. We learn from our experiences and become better or worse for them. You have simply decided, based on your experience that this particular person is not good for you. Nothing wrong or bad about that. What would be wrong would be to open yourself up for certain heartache again. Not to say that things can't change, but who will protect your heart if you don't? It's all so simple.

The Beaded Life said...

Carol this is so beautiful. I am moved by your authenticity and honesty that shines through. Thank you. You are truly inspiring.


Tracey Leeder said...

Wow Carol, you sure have posted a deep thought provoking post today! I think in every heart, there is darkness. I too have a lot of acceptance in my heart. Not forgiveness because there are just things in my past I can never forgive. I love your attitude about life and love. You do have a way of making your comments and loving thoughts glow from your heart. I think your beadwork is lovely on this piece and I love the glowing beams. Well done my friend!

Raven Moon Magic said...

go the honesty, you let it out girl! yes acceptance is usually enough, sometimes you get burned so to forgive would just put you back in the vulneral spot again but acceptance is more like you have stored the knowledge about peoples behaviours and there should never be a repeat. your ok with it but your door is no longer open. im so happy your beading therapy is bringing all these thoughts to the surface to be reprocessed, what an awesome honest post.

xxx sheree

Anonymous said...

Oh that heart is just beautiful. And we all have dark patches in our hearts. Personally I think the 'wonky' pearls are the best - I use them in my jewellery making because I like the fact that they show they are natural - I mean, any machine can manufacture a perfect sphere, can't it? BTW - had to let you know, Sorrel is now at home. Still very timid and eats like a horse!! She gobbles down her food like someone is going to take it from her :-( I know that it is because she has had to fend for herself for so long. Well - she's put on weight and is being spoiled rotten! Landed on her paws all right! ;o)

Marty S said...

This is a powerful piece. You have expressed emotions and thoughts that so many of us have but hide.
Marty S
Crackpot Beader

Lynn said...

Wow Carol. I'm flabbergasted! I can't believe what a coincidence this is with my life box post. I just now have had the time to come over and visit you and I'm actually glad I didn't see this post before I beaded my tree.

The weight that has been hanging on my heart over my decision is suddenly lighter (though not entirely gone - I don't expect it ever to be). I was harboring these feelings of "what is wrong with me? why can't I 'get over' being hurt?" I guess I'm not the only one who struggles with forgiveness.

I love you for sharing this part of your life and reading everyone's comments to you has helped me too. Gotta love these girls. Hugs!

Susan said...

HI there...Lynn sent me...I have just cut myself off from 2 friends that have betrayed me. I struggled with that decision for a long time. I know it was the right decision, but I grieve not having any "real life" friends now.

However I have several wonderful internet friends.

I have a 2 situations with family members right now, but it their issue. MY brother has cut himself off from his entire family (siblings & mom) and my oldest daughter has cut herself off from me, and her siblings, and isn't exactly hanging out with her dad, or her other sibling. I feel someday they will regret this.

Additionally 2 of nieces are angry with me for voicing my opinion about something...I am sorry but we are all entitled to our opinions, so if you are going to be stubborn and not speak to a person because you disagree with their position or opinion, is that not on them?

Susan (playswithneedles) story kind of hit home on several levels as did Lynn's, which is why she sent me here. YOUR HEART is beautiful...the beaded one is lovely also! (now following)

Sharon M said...

Carol, I love the way the dark and light beads are depicted in your heart, but after reading your blog and your post I find it hard to believe that you could have a dark side to your heart. Maybe you are being hard on yourself. But I know I struggle with a dark side all the time, so your words were very meaningful to me. Thank you for sharing, and for creating such a beautiful piece with such a meaningful sentiment.